Life has been crazy, so it’s been a while since my last post. The last couple months have been great, and I have learned so much about myself. I have fallen more in love with living in Mildred, I have gained a greater appreciation for organizational skills (still working on those) and I have gained a greater appreciation for my wife, sweet Katy.
To be honest, I have been putting this blog off, because April was a strange month, one I will never forget. For those of you who know me well, you know that kids (especially babies) freak me out. That being said, Katy and I found ourselves finally sitting on the couch in our beloved Mildred (after many weeks of remodeling), only to figure out that she was pregnant. I knew that women couldn’t resist men in Airstreams, and I knew that Katy loves babies, but I didn’t plan on having a baby so soon into our RV adventure. I remember looking at those two lines (pregnancy test) together, hugging and saying that it would be okay, then sitting on our couch, looking down the hall in shock. Something changed about our relationship at that moment; it was like we hit a new level of marriage.
Tears of shock were replaced by the giggles of planning out where to build a crib in an airstream and how excited we were to finally tell my parents that they would get a grand-kid. I felt a new level of protectiveness over Katy, and was so happy that she was willing to have a baby in the RV. I’ve always had a goal to do crazy things, even with kids. I know kids are a sacrifice, but I don’t think parents should stop chasing their goals and quit doing crazy things because they have a kid.
Anyways, we were pumped, went to the doctor, everything seemed good and Katy was estimated to be about 10 weeks along. My birthday was coming up on April 17th, so we decided to tell both sets of parents that weekend for my birthday. We were so excited. It shocked me how my mind started changing, and I started to feel so ready for that little kid to come. Katy seemed so happy, and it was “her baby” from the minute she found out she was pregnant.
Well, the week of my birthday, things started going weird with Katy’s body, and we knew something was wrong. On April 15th, we went to the hospital and the doctor let us know that Katy was having a miscarriage. It was the most helpless feeling I can remember in our entire marriage. My wife and best friend was so excited about this baby, and it was all being taken away, and there was nothing we could do. I will never forget her face when the doctor let her know what was going on; she was completely deflated. I remember driving home, both just staring at the road with heavy tears in our eyes. Instead of planning out how to tell our families the great news, we would be telling them the sad news.
That night was a painful one for Katy, both physically and mentally. She had horrible pains, I was helpless and we were both broken. It was an experience that hurt, but brought us closer together. I am not always one to seek after God, and sometimes it takes experiences like this to remind me what is important in life. In the short period of time Katy was pregnant, it was like God gave us something, and when it was taken away, we were hurt. Once the dust settled, I really got to thinking about why God would let this happen to Katy. She’s such a sweet person and never does anything to hurt anyone.
Nobody understands God, but here’s my best guess. Katy and I both have dreams about doing something with this short life to help abused children. When that baby was taken away, my thoughts immediately went to a couple of children who have permanently affected my heart and outlook on life. Both are young girls who have been dealt a rough hand and who need the love and support of good fatherly figures to protect them in this mean world. When that baby was taken away, I was reminded that life is short, and we need to take every opportunity to love unwanted, abused and trafficked children, regardless of who their parents are, what faith they hold or the sins of their parents. I am a selfish human, but God has been good to me. We have a God who speaks, heals and moves. Life is short. Sometimes we have to just jump and have faith that God is alive enough to catch us.
-A lot has happened since I originally started this blog, but I will save it for the next one. Just because God doesn’t bless you with a child of your own, doesn’t mean that you can’t be a parent to kids all over your world.